Help Me Up

Better days are on their way! You are only stuck if you stop moving 😊. Oh, and hello again!

“We are a gorgeous mess, aren’t we?!”

She said this so freely. I could see the light in her eyes. And for the first time in a long time, I could not stand it.

Could she not tell that this was not the time?

That we were not up for it?

That we were breaking?

I lay in regret, wondering when it would all be over. It was nothing I was not used to. The feeling was familiar. But just as she nudged at my legs- I couldn’t help but feel the fear had intensified.

She tossed my arms in the air as she tried to get me up. All effortless attempts, my limbs piling back into my chest like a marionette and sprawling open once they hit the ground. I appeared jointless. My elbows grazing against my spinal cord.

“We have been at this for 5 whole minutes!” She exclaimed. I finally looked up. And there she was in all her glory. Doe-eyed, waiting for a response I could not give her.

“I… we really need to keep going” she solemnly said.

“I know.” I sighed. Anything to keep her quiet. Anything to make her leave me alone. “Go on then, I will catch up. If you don’t go too far, I will. Should be alright” I mustered up the courage to say this as I stared at the ground to compose myself every time I heard someone approaching.

If only I didn’t look up again. Maybe I wouldn’t have seen it. The disappointment.

I saw sheer disappointment in her eyes as she glared at me.

It was not an option. She did not want to leave me behind. But what else could I do? She had the drive to keep going. There was no way anything she could say would pick me up. But the fact that she was trying made me know that she knew she could not do this without me. Just as I could not do this without her.

Her positivity became sickening. It felt like she was taunting me. Reminding me of what I was pretending to be. Despite her and I being the same.

“A few more minutes” I pleaded. “It has been an entire day” she whined. “These things take time!” I never expected it to be as loud as it came out. The fact that I could hear the wind after I said that – meant I went too far. As soon as the rage passed, I could clearly see the colour in her cheeks melt away, leaving a pale pink stain as they drained. The sadness welling in her eyes made me look away. The only person that stayed, and I yelled at her. She didn’t deserve that. Her childlike heart cracked audibly inside her chest. I was breaking the only hope I had left.

She sat down next to me, and we watched the night turn into day. Our shadows indistinctively molding into one. We fit. Even though I felt so different from her, even though I envied what she had. We fit.

“The sun is coming up” she said.

Silence.

“I see it.” I replied.

“What are we going to do?”

Silence.

My arms clicked into place as I reached towards the same heavens I cried out to. I dared not to look. But I sensed the smile blooming on her face as the red coloured her skin once more.

I slightly smiled and waved my hand in the air as though I was searching for something.  “Well?” I said. “Help me up.”  

• Better days are on their way! You are only stuck if you stop moving 😊.